Word Vomit = Bad.

Sometimes I do know how to keep my mouth shut.  It’s not very often, but it does happen.  Like in the following circumstances:

1.  One particular coworker of mine passes by my desk probably 10 times a day.  She never says hi.  Today we both met at the entry door at the same time and she “huffed” and pushed her way through first. 

What I was thinking: Seriously?  You have the world’s largest stick up your ass.

What I said: “Oh, excuse me.  How are you?”

Yeah, she never responded either.

2.  Earlier, another of my coworkers approached my desk and said “Now, I’m certainly not suggesting that you do this, but the woman here before you used to wash the dishes in the kitchen sink.  And occasionally she’d send out emails letting people know it was time to clean out the fridge.  That thing is kind of gross back there!”

What I was thinking: Last time I checked, “maid” was not in my job description.  Seriously, all of you are older than me.  I have to remind you to wash your dishes and dump out your old food?  This is the perfect way to get on my bad side!

What I said:  “Well, that’s funny, because I think everyone is more than capable of cleaning up after themselves.  But I’ll be glad to send out a reminder email to everyone.”

Ugh…

3.  Yesterday on my way to work, I called B.  This is a usual occurrence…we talk on our ways to work.  He picked up the phone and seemed completely exasperated.  He snapped at me and said he was “BUSY!” and would need to call me back later.  Then he hung up abruptly before I could respond.

What I was thinking: Who pissed in your cheerios this morning, buddy?   That was totally uncalled for.

What I said: Later, after I let him cool off, I called him back and said “You okay baby?  You seemed agitated this morning.”

He apologized and said he was sorry for snapping at me.  That it was a rough morning and he didn’t mean to take it out on me.  Sometimes it’s easier to just let things go.

4.  A friend of mine is going through a make-it or break-it situation with her boyfriend of 3 years.  He treats her like crap and totally takes advantage of her and I’m sick of it.  Today she starts to tell me about how he sat on his butt last night in front of the television while she cooked dinner, cleaned up all the dishes, washed his clothes for him.  This is normal for those two.  He doesn’t have the “team” mentality.

What I was thinking:  Seriously, open up your eyes!  He’s never going to change!  He’s a huge piece of shit and he lies to you and he isn’t admirable or honest or hardworking!  He’s a pig!  He has totally used you for years!  Because you’re too nice to stop doing things for him!  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What I said:  “And you’re surprised?  I really think you should stop doing so many things for him and start taking care of yourself.  His attitude sucks.”

I keep praying she sees the light.

5.  Yesterday while I was on the phone with my sister, she started her usual antics of driving me crazy.  I casually mentioned that the weather might not be ideal this weekend for our plans because someone had told me we might get snow.  She proceeds to check every single weather web site for evidence, all the while interrupting every chance I made to change the topic.  I just mentioned it casually for fuck’s sake.  I didn’t want it to start a 30 minute conversation about the weather possibilities.

What I was thinking:  OMG, you’re doing it again.  You’re driving me fucking crazy.  Do you even hear anything I say?  No, you probably don’t because you’re too busy talking OVER ME.  Lalalala I could sit here and not say anything for 20 minutes and you probably wouldn’t notice because you’re too busy yacking away over there and interrupting every sentence I start!  WANT.TO.HANG.UP.PHONE….NOW!

What I said:  “S, okay!  I get it.  There is no evidence of snow in the forecast.  It’s something I heard!”

She responded with “What is your problem?  Bad mood today?”  No, but sometimes you make me want to claw my own eyeballs out.

I have nothing but love for these people, but sometimes they really test my patience.  AND the imaginary zipper over my mouth that I visualize when I want to avoid a tough situation. 

I have no problem with confrontation, but sometimes life is just easier if you suck it up.