Cluster-fucked
To the person who found me by googling “stepmom cuts me out after Dad died”, yeah I’m sorry about that. Stepmothers can be evil bitches. I call mine “stepmonster.” This is not to say that some stepmothers are wonderful creatures. But mine, and apparently, the google searcher? Yeah, ours sucked ass.
And to the sick fucker who found me by googling “guy bangs his stepmom”? You’re fucking sick. I don’t know what else to say.
Four acquaintances of mine from school got engaged over the holiday weekend. I found this out by logging into Facebook this morning. Seriously? Four people? Why does everyone get engaged around Christmas. I guess I can’t complain — we did order my ring in the month of December!
(Tangent: It’s been 2 weeks. We still have another 2-4 weeks to go until the setting is here! Ugh, I am so impatient!)
I was IMed this morning by a guy that I had a “fling” with during college. This was during a tenuous breakup with B. I hadn’t talked to him in like three years or something crazy, but he popped up on my screen with a “hey stranger.” We talked for a few minutes…just long enough for me to find out that he moved in with his girlfriend of 16 months and is shopping for an engagement ring for her, and for him to ask me if B and I are engaged yet. I told him about the engagement ring and how we had it ordered from the store. Why? I don’t know. I felt the need to prove that I was justified in breaking his heart and going back to B. Who knows. The conversation abruptly cut off after we had said all we could to each other…about our jobs, about where we live, and who we still hang out with. Awkward.
It’s the day after Christmas and I am so disillusioned. You know what I did yesterday? I woke up at 8 am, watched multiple episodes of Dawson’s Creek (shut up!) and took naps. There was no present opening. There was no stocking un-stuffing. There was no ham or turkey or mashed potatoes. There was no pumpkin pie. We had a very un-Christmas-like day.
It made me vow to make next year more “normal.”
Confession: I still think about him from time to time. I still wonder what would have happened if I’d stuck to the breakup with B and given it a shot with him. Who would I be today? Would B and I have gotten back together? Would we still be friends?
I guess it’s normal. But it’s still one hell of a clusterfuck to think about.
Your title is one of my hubby’s favorite phrases. Ugh, I hate the wondering. Why can’t we just have an ‘alternate life view’ and have it really suck so we know we made the right choice?
Found you from twentysomethings. On the verge of sounding creepy, I’ll be back : )
there is definitely NOTHING wrong with watching dawsons creek (i own all the seasons on DVD.. ssh)
and also nothing wrong with wondering what could have been sometimes. we all do
When you don’t see your ex for a while, you tend to think things like that (the missing him part). I have an ex who recently moved back home. The boyfriend and I hang out with him from time to time (he’s friends with both of us), and I definitely remember why I broke up with him! So annoying!!!
In my experience, “what if” thoughts, although normal, don’t ever bring any good. They make you put pointless things on a pedestal, and unappreciative of the present.
I don’t know anything about your religious views, i’ve only read a couple of your posts..but what finally made me give up on the “what ifs”, is understanding that whatever happens in our lives is our destiny that the Best of Planners willed and designed for us. So where we are right now, at this moment…if it’s not the best place for us, it’s because it’s going to somehow lead us to the best place.
I have one of “those” guys too – we had a “fling” as well during a time Keith & I broke up, and sometimes I wonder. But I always come back to all the reasons we wouldn’t have suited and all the reasons that Keith & I are perfect for each other. Doesn’t mean you can’t wonder about “what might have been,” on occasion =)