Point fucking blank

WTF Wednesday has proven to be a success for Chasing Paradise.  I love to read what’s pissing other people off!  Thanks for the comments, girls

But on to today…

This post by Damsel really woke me the hell up this morning!  You should check it out then come right back here.  No, really, go…

Hi, welcome back!  How was that for waking you up and quite possibly making you want to have sex really badly, right this very second?  Yeah, me too.  In fact, I’ve already emailed B and told him to come home with plenty of energy and lots of dirty fantasies ready and waiting.  I can only imagine him, stopping in at his office later to check his email…see my message, and up pops a hard one.  TMI?  Whoops, sorry! 

But all in all, this post isn’t really about sex.  No, but rather, it’s about the power to just be yourself, to let loose, without worrying about what everyone is saying or thinking about you.  It’s not actually up for argument that the world would be a better, less hateful place if everyone was just free and non-judgmental.  Imagine what people could accomplish together if they didn’t sneer or poke fun at others.  If you didn’t feel the urge to insult that girl because clearly she is wearing Louboutins from last season, pared with last year’s Marc Jacob’s bag.  Our society has become so obsessed with everything new, improved, and never-before-seen.  Who are we competing against in this race to be trendy and “it”?  Only ourselves.  No one else matters.

I’ve never been the girl to want the flashy, luxury car.  Sure, it would be nice, I’m sure, to have something like a 10 disc changer and heated seats and automatic rain-sensing wiper blades.  But you know what?  That’s just not me.  It’s discouraging to see friends of mine trying to compete with each other, each trying to prove that the other is more successful, more happy, because she has a BMW or a Mercedes or hell, even a Range Rover.  Meanwhile I sit by and laugh at them and their $600 car payment.  Shit, for that much money a month, I could do a lot more shit than drop pennies into something that loses a shit ton of its value the second you drive it off the lot.  What is the fucking point?

We can’t even be happy for each other anymore.  Something great happens and suddenly you’re jealous and you don’t even understand why.  This person is your friend (or your family) and why the hell are you so upset?  It’s all a race and when you’re not the one buying the new car or the new house or the latest Chanel sunglasses, you feel cheated out of life.  Out of success.  Out of winning.

It’s an endless fucking cycle and I need it to stop.

Who am I?  I’m about to put it all out there for you, honest and downright real.  I’m still 15 pounds heavier than I should be, but I think I’m pretty.  It’s not all in the matchy-matchy or symmetry of my features.  It’s the sparkling green eyes, the perfectly straight teeth, the shade of hair that is not yet brown, but not blonde either.  I don’t always wear the newest clothes that I adore staring at in fashion magazines, but I have an eye for unique combinations.  I love to wear heels for the way they make my short legs appear longer, but sometimes I just can’t bear to wear them one more time this week.  I adore expensive handbags.  Why?  A lot of it has to do with the quality and clean lines they feature, but some of it is the fact that not a lot of other people are carrying MY BAG.  I like to be unique.  Sometimes a friend will ask me where I got a shirt or a pair of shoes and I lie –because I don’t want them to copy me.  If it makes me a bitch, then oh well.  I’d drop everything and help my friends out in the middle of the night, but it better be for a good fucking reason.  It better not be because she’s mad at her boyfriend for not bringing her flowers on Valentine’s Day.  Sometimes I just feel like screaming “is this really the most important problem going on in your world right now?!”  I judge others based on how they spell and speak.  If you sound like you ignored the most basic fundamentals of your grade-school education, I will roll my eyes and probably correct you.  But it’s only because I can’t stand to hear an otherwise smart person sound stupid for lack of trying.  My biggest pet peeve is people who complain about things, yet do nothing to change their situation.  I’ll just ignore you.  The truth of the matter is, I judge myself more harshly than I judge anyone else, more harshly than any of you could ever judge me.  So don’t bother trying.

I’m really impatient to a point where it annoys even myself.  I sometimes get too angry over situations that really don’t matter.  Sometimes I go home and turn my cell phone off because if I get one more text message, one more phone call, I might explode.  I willingly ignore people’s phone calls if I feel as though talking to them will take too much out of me.  But then I’ll feel bad and make it a point to call them back later when I’ve got more energy to devote to it. 

I love to have sex in public places if I can get away with it.  (Okay, so it’s a little about sex, haha) The thrill of possibly getting caught is quite the rush.  I’m not into anything sinister or freaky, but I didn’t judge a girlfriend when she once told me she enjoys being suffocated slightly during sex.  (It’s not my place to.)  I am at my best when it’s unexpected.  I always wish, during a fight, that B would pass me in the hallway or in our house somewhere, grab me, and throw me against the wall and just go at it.  Sex when you’re angry can be some of the most gratifying sex there is.  Why?  Because you’re so pissed off at the other person that you don’t CARE about getting them off…it’s all about you.  In the end, you both end up enjoying it, and all is forgiven in the glow of post-coital bliss.  I’ve already commented on Damsel’s post how girls who act all uptight and snobbish about sex and its admittedly carnal environment tick me off.  Like I said, I’d rather you tell me how great YOUR orgasm was than to look at me as though I’m a stupid, crazy slut when I mention how B made me come so hard I fell off the bed once.  Judgy Wudgy was a bear…

I have spent so much time worrying if something I said or something I did offended someone or pissed someone off.  Screw it.  What’s the point?  There is a fine line between being gentle with someone you care for (obviously) and holding back for fear of alienating yourself from them through the truth. 

I feel better already.