Sick.

!@#$!  That about sums up how I am feeling today.  Pissed off, emotional, sick.  Sore throat, painful ears, body aches.  I’m so fucking tired of being sick I could just scream.  I’m stressed out (over my job).  I’m irritated (with myself).  I just want to crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head, and fucking hibernate.  I want the whole world to go away, leave me the hell alone for 5 minutes, and just let me get better.

At 7:30 this morning, I laid on my bed, face done up with makeup, hair dripping wet.  Tears streaming down my cheeks, just not feeling well.  I tried to call B.  Once.  Twice.  Three times.  No answer.  I debated calling out of work, but the thought of having to deal with hearing my boss’s exasperation was too much to bear.  I’ve called out sick one time, and she was so audibly annoyed with me that I started to feel terribly guilty.  Then I remembered — wait a second, you’re fucking sick.  She’s just going to have to get over it.  However, this morning I dragged my tired, sore ass out of bed and finished getting ready.  I tried to call B on my way to work again.  No answer.

Why the fuck couldn’t he just pick up the phone?  I just needed to hear his voice, to hear him say “I’m sorry you feel sick, baby.”  I know he’s probably busy, but it’s annoying.  I think I’m more annoyed at the fact that I’m sitting at my desk because I’m too scared of calling out sick to my boss.  Maybe I’m just annoyed with myself.

This blog entry sucks.  My blog sucks lately.  Everything sucks.