Let’s be real

You’ve heard me complain about my sister several times.  But friends, I think I’m finally done with her.

Ever since she started that whole affair thing, things just haven’t been the same.  And then, when B asked me to marry him, things got even weirder.  She didn’t seem happy for me.  In fact, she seemed jealous.  I thought maybe I was just being silly, but our other sister and her own daughter both said they felt the same thing – that she was jealous.  Hence, all the silence on her end.

We’ve barely spoken in the last 7 months.  Every time I’ve called her, she’s been so negative that I can’t stand to stay on the phone.  So I find excuses to hang up.  Her daughter (my niece, 20 years old) and I are very close, so we talk often.  Our conversation on Sunday evening confirmed some of my feelings about my sister, when my niece explained that her mother, my own damn sister, complained about having to spend money on my wedding.

Let’s get something straight…I never once asked her to shell out any sort of money for my wedding.  Not. Once.  So what money is this she speaks of, you may ask.  Oh, I don’t know.  An outfit to wear to it.  A gift for B and I.  Gas money to drive to the wedding?  Well, who the hell knows.  All I do know, in fact, is that I’m offended.

It’s not only this, though.  It’s also her habit of emailing me 10 paragraph emails that go on and on about her, never once stopping to ask me how I’m doing or how I like my job.  It’s how when I do talk to her on the phone, I can’t get a word in edge-wise.  It’s how she has the annoying habit of downplaying every positive thing that ever happens to me.  It’s how, in my darkest times of need, she only says things like “well, that’s life.  Get used to it.”  It’s how she sucks at being a sister.

***

Last night, over dinner, I told B about all of this, and about the most recent email and how ridiculous it was.  Then, to drive my point home, I read it to him.  He laughed, and said “wow, you’re not kidding.  Not once did she even say ’so how are you?’”

Yeah.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and blurted out “you know, it’s enough that my mom and dad aren’t around…it’s enough that my brother hasn’t spoken to me in nearly 8 years…she doesn’t need to suck, too.”

Then I started crying.

Because you see, I always knew, even at the age of 8 years old when my mom passed away, that my life was never going to be normal.  I got that.  I absorbed that fact.  But I always thought that when the time came for the major life events – marriage, kids, etc. – that my sister, my oldest sibling, would be around to help me through them.  I envisioned her helping me pick out my wedding dress, plan the reception, and basically just being a mom figure throughout all of this.  But it’s not been the case.

In the last 7 months, as B, our friends and I, have selected locations and caterers and photographers and done research on all of the other elements, as I selected my dress even, she’s not been around.  She hasn’t so much as picked up the phone to say “How’s it going?  Do you need any help?”  And on the rare occasion that we’ve spoken on the phone, if I’ve brought it up, she’s stayed silent.  In fact, the only question she’s bothered to ask me was “how are you two paying for all of this?”

Frankly, it’s none of her business.

So yesterday, when I got the ridiculous email from her gushing about how fulfilled her life is (really?  hmm…), how busy she has been, and on and on and on, I just hit delete.  No response.

And that’s why last night, when she called me, I just hit ignore.

I can’t take it anymore.  And I don’t want to keep trying.