Tighten up, slacker

All day today I’ve stared at my computer screen, then at the paltry list of things to be accomplished by 4:30 today, when I will leave to begin a very anticipated, refreshing weekend.  I’ve twiddled my thumbs, sighed about a hundred times, and stared at my shoes.  I’ve picked at my cuticles, filed my nails, and examined my pores in the mirror of my compact.  Then I thought to myself, you’d probably pass a lot more time if you sat down and typed out an entry on WordPress.  It’s just lately, for some reason, I feel as though I’ve got nothing worth saying writing. 

It’s not that things are great and without conflict.  There’s always a little bit of conflict.  I could tell you about the the tension, the nightmares, the unfortunate set of circumstances that made this week one hell of a bad week for B, but I don’t want to dwell on the past.  After all, it’s over, so what’s the point in rehashing it out again?  I could tell you about the frustration I’ve experienced with my job, but where does that get me?  I could tell you about my total impatience regarding becoming engaged, but no no no, none of these things will suffice.  Instead, I just need to tell myself “tighten up, slacker.”  So that’s what I’m going to do.

The past few weeks (oh, who the hell am I kidding?  The past MONTH) has been a whirlwind of emotions.  I’ve experienced everything from anger to sadness to total loss.  I’ve been way, way up, and so, so low.  I’ve felt excited, accomplished, and hopeful.  But I’ve also felt alone, stifled, and pessimistic.  But it’s all over now. 

To sum up my trip to NYC, I must say — forgive me for not posting a review and pictures as I promised.  I’m still staring at my photos wondering what exactly I can crop out that will still give you a sense of who I am and what I look like without totally forgoing my anonymity.  Anyone have any suggestions?  Also, the trip was fantastic.  I saw a performance of Wicked, which was just simply amazing, and dare I say it, life changing.  I breathed in the sights, smells, and experiences of the city, and decided that if I were to pick one city in the world I’d live in, it would be New York City for sure.  I hailed my first cab; nearly died on a fast-paced, dangerous shuttle ride complete with a nightmare driver; was disgusted by the Subway, but also strangely fascinated by its users; saw the Empire State Building; walked the streets of Manhattan while staring straight at the sky like a total tourist.  In short, I did all I could do in four days, and when I came home, I’d never experienced such pains in my legs and hips from all that walking!  I took a tour of the city and breathed it all in, and at the risk of sounding really corny, I felt more alive there than I’ve ever felt in any other place I’ve ever been.  I just, well, loved it.  For everything it was.

This weekend I’m looking forward to hanging out with my girlfriends, seeing Sex and the City tonight (SQUEE!), having a girls night out, and catching some sun.  I can’t wait for the Country Fest concert at the Richmond Raceway complex so I can listen to B’s favorite music and snuggle in his arms.  I’m not exactly a “country girl”, but I can appreciate country music.  I also have a short list of things house-related I’d like to get done, but I’m not going to pressure myself into doing them, because life?  

It’s what happens when you’re too busy making other plans.

I just need to remember to breathe, smile, and be patient.  Good things are coming, and I just need to live every second for what it’s worth. 

WTF Wednesday: Surprise, Surprise

First of all, let me just say, I’m back from my vacation in Manhattan, and I am EXHAUSTED.  I really do believe it may take me a few days to recover from all the walking!  I wish I had a pedometer to keep track of how much land I covered but alas, this wasn’t the case.  I promise to update in the next couple of days or so with details and pictures (!).  I just need some time to chill out, recharge, and upload all those photos first.  I figured a WTF post would help clear out my brain a little.

1.  Why are vacations so exhausting?  I feel like I can’t sleep properly, and even though I’ve passed out EARLY the last few nights, I still wake up tired and barely able to move. 

2.  I hate it when friends “friends” lie to you.  Especially to your face.  Especially when it’s about something really simple and easy to tell the truth about.  Oh, such as, I don’t know, whether or not you’re in a relationship.  What’s with all the secrecy?  I had a “friend” tell me to my face that her and a guy were “just friends”, but she turns around and tells someone else (who had ALSO asked her this same question a few days before) that she’s been his “girlfriend” for “two weeks.”  WTF?!  Sorry for all the “quotes” but I can’t really keep the “truth” and “lies” separate from each other.  Geeesh.  Talking to her is requiring way too much thought, analyzing, and energy.

3.  Back to work.  86 emails.  Let me just give you a moment to absorb that.

…

86 emails.  86 emails?!  86 emails?!    Holy mother of God, please shoot me.

4.  Gas prices.  That’s all I’m gonna say.

5.  While I was gone, B did a GREAT job of keeping the house clean.  There were no dishes laying around or in the sink.  Our pets were well taken care of.  However, what did he NOT DO at all in the 4 days I was gone?  Vaccuum.  We own a siberian husky.  Doesn’t that say enough? 

6.  Let’s get back to this work thing really quick — if someone is on vacation, you know HYPOTHETICALLY, and they won’t be there for 4 days or so…would you send them an email asking them to do something simple such as “make me a copy of this”, get the obligatory “I am on vacation” automated email response, and STILL WAIT FOR THEM TO GET BACK, you know, FOUR DAYS LATER, and make them still get you a copy of something?  You know, HYPOTHETICALLY?!  Seriously, I may have HYPOTHETICALLY had about 5 such small requests like this.  In those 86 emails.  I wanted to jab my own eyes out with a pen.

Enough bitchin’.  Coming soon:  what I think about the Subway system and those who use it; how many times I lost my MetroCard; what it’s REALLY like to view the Statue of Liberty; how to survive in a small hotel room for 4 days with someone who grates on your nerves; and finally, all those beautiful pics of me, photoshopped to hell so you can’t tell who I am.  You know, just because I like to make things difficult for myself! 

I missed B.  I missed you all!  It’s good to be back

On Mothers and Manhattan

Sunday was Mother’s Day.  Every year for me, it’s just another day.  Just another day to remember my mom, and try to remember what it felt like to have one.  Not surprisingly, I tend to be quiet and reflective, preferring to be alone.  When I woke up this year on Mother’s Day, it was no different.  B was headed out the door to play soccer with friends, kissing me as he left.  I laid in bed, playing with my pup, then started thinking about things.  It didn’t take long before my eyes filled with tears, and I had to get up and get moving.  It tends to be the only day I cry about her now.  Sometimes on Christmas too, but mostly just Mother’s Day.  It hurts not having her here to buy flowers for, to spend time with.  I found myself watching tv spacing out to the television for a few hours.  Eventually, I just got up and got to work cleaning and being domestic.  It’s really the only way to let it all go.

I leave for NYC on Thursday morning.  I’m taking off from Richmond at 6 and will be arriving at JFK at 7:15 a.m.  I’m super excited.  I’m going to miss B like crazy, but I love to travel and time away will do my soul some good. 

I promise to post pics when I’m back!  How about that?  Perhaps you’ll even get a few of me, with my face cut out of them.  No promises on that one.  It will be hard to explain that to a friend who doesn’t know about my blog.  But we’ll see what I can pull off.