The Proposal

On Sunday, June 1, he picked up my ring from the store, and afterwards hung out for the day with me and my bff and her boyfriend.  I had no idea that he’d picked up the ring, and it’s a good thing because I probably would have driven him crazy if I had known! For the next several days, B lined up plans for the proposal. On Tuesday, June 3, he called my boss, having met her several months before, to tell her of his plans and to ask her permission for me to have Friday off. Luckily, my boss agreed to it! On Friday, June 6, B mischievously set the clock forward by an hour. I woke up 10 minutes before my alarm was set to go off, and when I turned to check the time, I was surprised to see him still in bed.

“What time is it?” I asked him.

He pretended to be surprised, saying “Oh shit, it’s already 7:20!”

Thinking I was an hour late, I jumped out of bed and started running around trying to get ready quickly. While doing this, I noticed that he wasn’t in a hurry at all.

“Don’t you think you should hurry up and get out of here? You should have been at work 20 minutes ago!”

B then proceeded to ask me if I thought we should just take the day off.  Not knowing I was interrupting his plans, I proceeded to check my cell phone.

Noticing the correct time, I said “You must have accidentally set the clock when you tried to set the alarm! It’s only 6:20.”

I stood there, fiddling with my cell phone, attempting to turn off the alarm, as it was going to start going off in a few minutes.  I kept looking at him out of the corner of my eye, because he was acting so unusual.  He was mostly walking around aimlessly, looking as though he was going to pass out or throw up.  (Looking back in retrospect, he was probably nervous as hell.)  B took the phone out of my hands and laid it on the dresser. He took my left hand in his two hands, and started to tell me how much he loves me. 

I noticed he was acting strange, and said “What’s wrong with you? You’re acting weird!”

B just laughed and said “Let me finish, babe!” He proceeded to tell me that actually, we both already had the day off, and that he was hoping I’d spend my day, and the rest of my life, with him as his wife. Then he got down on one knee, presented me with an amazing ring, and said “[CP], will you marry me?” Of course I said yes, and then promptly burst into tears. He’d hate to admit it, but he proceeded to cry as well! Then they started laughing at each other, in typical fashion.

[Later on, I asked him how he managed to pull this off.  The night before, he worked really late and didn't get home until nearly 11 p.m.  I immediately went to bed, having slept for a few hours on the couch while waiting for him to get home.  He apparently stayed up until nearly 4 in the morning, nervous about what was coming.  He says he heard me stirring around 6 and decided to get the ring out of the closet, where he'd hidden it.  He ended up placing it under his pillow.  When I hopped out of bed, he put it in his pocket.]

Afterwards, we called my family, whose reaction wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for.  Instead of being super excited, they seemed shocked and as if they didn’t really believe me.  I was actually asked ”Wait, did he actually give you an ACTUAL ENGAGEMENT RING?”

**Cue blank stare and exasperated expression**

I immediately took a picture of it with my cell phone (since my own digital camera decided to die a few weeks ago) and sent it via picture text to both of my sisters.  My niece, on the other hand, who is six years younger than me, was very excited and thrilled for us.  On the way to breakfast that morning, I called my two closest girlfriends and told them.  They seemed a little surprised, but very excited after the initial shock wore off.  We spent the day together, just taking it easy, running some errands, and hanging out.  We had a wonderful dinner that night, complete with a bottle of wine and two desserts. (I think the diet goes out the window the day you get proposed to!)  I was really happy.  I still am really happy.  I still catch myself looking at the ring and thinking “wait a second, this is really happening!”

There have been a few minor disappointments along the way.  In the 10 days since B asked me to marry him, we’ve really found out who our true friends are.  Some of his friends had nothing to say upon hearing the news.  Some of them refused to say anything to him at all.  It’s been a little upsetting for both of us…  After all, you imagine that everyone will be thrilled for you.  You imagine everyone asking to see the ring, asking you when you’ll get married, etc.  A girlfriend of mine actually never asked to see my ring, and took nearly an hour of us hanging out to ask me how I felt about the news.  I’d been considering her for a bridesmaid, but her reaction immediately nixed that idea.  She actually had the nerve to say “well you guys have been together so long that I don’t think anyone would be really shocked about it.”  Umm, excuse me, what?

**awkward silence**

But in general, aside from being a huge lesson to B and I on who we want, and need, in our lives, we’ve had a blast.  We’ve selected the members of our bridal party.  We have tentatively set the date for next October, depending on locations and how fast they book up. 

I’ve had to make a very tough decision on who to choose as my maid of honor.  There’s my friend, M, who has been my friend since we were 8 years old.  I love her dearly, but she’s having a baby in October…right when I need to start planning.  Plus, I don’t really get to see her that much as it is.  I’ve seen her a handful of times since January 1.  She’s always really busy, and her boyfriend makes it difficult for us to hang out because he is never okay with her having a life of her own.  The biggest thing is the baby.  She’s going to be a mommy!  With an infant!  And with me not having a mother to help me plan this shin-dig, I need my MOH to be someone who has the time and patience to whip my ass into shape.  That’s where my bff comes in.  We’ve been friends for nearly 6 years, and in that time, she’s really become more like family to me.  I talk to her several times a day.  I see her usually once a week, if not every other weekend.  She’s never afraid to call me out on my bullshit, which I respect, but she’s the first one who call me up on the Friday before Father’s Day, and ask me to spend that day with her.  Knowing how sad I get because of my own dad being gone, she never wants me to be alone.  This year, her father was in town visiting her.  Due to her difficult relationship with him, she was stressed out, but she made sure to check in with me yesterday and see how I was doing.  That’s just the kind of friend she is.  Plus she’s already sent me ideas on places to get married, places to go dress shopping, etc.  And she suggested we get a timeline together.  I really think she’s going to do a fantastic job…I just need to tell my friend M about my decision.  I’m so scared of hurting her feelings.  It’s not anything personal, but I just know that my bff will have more time and energy to devote to helping me out.  If any of you have any ideas on how to do this graciously, please, let me know.  I could use all your help.

Mostly I’m just excited to start planning!  I bought The Bride’s Year Ahead, had my engagement ring insured, and set up a site on TheKnot.com.  There is a ton of stuff to do, starting with finding a location.  Hopefully B and I will get on that pretty quickly.

Everyone has been asking to see a pic of my ring, but it’s hard because I still haven’t bought a replacement digital camera since mine bit the dust.  I’m working on it…but I can give you a pretty good description.  It’s a white gold band with a round brilliant cut center stone.  There are five smaller diamonds (similar to a channel setting) on either side of the center stone.  The main diamond is completely colorless and without flaws.  It’s so sparkly and beautiful and I can hardly believe it.  Now I’m determined to go home and bang my camera to hell until it will take a least one suitable pic to show you.  Hopefully I’ll get this post updated with it soon.

Thank you so much for all the kind words and well wishes.  You guys are the best!

Why I decided to blog

I’m an avid blog reader.  I have personal friends who write blogs, and then I found some really humorous ones of people who are perfect strangers to me that I read daily.  Let’s face it, I’m addicted.  I couldn’t even tell you the amount of blogs I visit regularly.  You’d laugh at me.  I’m definitely still new to all of this and it’s going to take me a long time to figure out how to do everything. 

 Certain blogs have inspired me to write.  I envy the openness, the sense of community, and the ability to get a lot of advice quickly from sympathetic people.  It seems to be almost like free therapy in a way. 

 Earlier this year, I went through a really hard time in my life.  I was facing the ending of my relationship with my boyfriend and I was devastated.  I’d never felt so horrible before.  The analyzing of conversations, the back and forth, the upheaval of it all had me so tired and confused and agitated.  I did something I’d never done before…I stopped talking to everyone.  It seemed like everywhere I turned, everyone had an opinion.  Most of them were negative.  Most people thought they had the answers to all of my questions.  It wasn’t given to me in a compassionate way, but a forced “let me tell you exactly what to do with your life” kind of way.  And it was too much.  I stopped answering my cell phone for friends AND family.  I turned off the tv because every commercial seemed to be about a couple getting engaged, or having the time of their life.  Every television show seemed to be all about happy endings.  So I got off the couch and I started going for a lot of walks to clear my head.  It was healthy, and I’m glad to report that after a while, everything cleared up and I did indeed find my version of a happy ending.  But that whole time?  That whole time, I was lonely.  I needed a friend and my family was too biased to be fair.  My friends were too protective of me to just let me be.  I was all alone.  If I had a blog back then, I think that things would have been different.  I might not have felt so alone. 

 So, here I am.  Figuring things out.  Trying to pull it all together.  Hoping against hope that instead of dishing out hundreds of dollars in professional therapy for every issue that 20-somethings have, that I’ll be able to confide in others in a way that lets me feel understood.  So be it if it’s online.  I never thought I’d have a blog. 

 But here I am.  And I’m already feeling better.

43 things

 1.  I was born in 1983…that makes me 24.  I’m dangerously close to 25 and I don’t know how I feel about that yet.

2.  I’m an Aquarius, but I do not live up to the hype.  I was meant to be a Pisces, obvs.

3.  I can relate every memory to a smell — foods, fresh snow, crisp autumn air, boys cologne, and yes, even alcohol.  People think I’m weird about this.

4.  I have a thing with counting steps.  I count everywhere I go, silently in my head.  I’m afraid this makes me a little crazy.

5.  I’m the most impatient person you’ll ever meet.  I hate waiting for you and if you’re late, I’ll call you incessantly until you tell me why you’re late.  I know it’s annoying, but so is being late!

6.  I have 4 memorable scars…wedding ring finger, back of head, under chin and right shin.  I was a bit of a clutz as a child.

7.  I’m still a bit of a clutz as an adult.

8.  I get easily overwhelmed and flustered.  I’m known to just walk away from things when I can’t focus on getting it done. 

9.  Nesquick is the best drink ever invented.

10.  I hate cough drops and refuse to use them.

11.  I love a clean house but I hate to clean.  Starting seems overwhelming.  See 8.

12.  Fall is my favorite season.  Sweaters, autumn leaves, crisp fresh air, and pumpkin pie are heaven.

13.  I’m what most would consider an “orphan”.  Both of my parents have passed away.  This has affected me in a profound way…

14.  My friends have become like family.  We are super close.

 15.  I have two sisters.  I lied.  I have two sisters and one brother.  But my brother doesn’t speak to anyone in my family anymore.  That’s a story for another day.

16.  I’m from a small town.  I’m scared that I’ll forever be a small town girl.

17.  I’m the first person in my family to graduate from college.  That was huge pressure for me.

18.  I’m a perfectionist.  It comes from living in a chaotic household as a child.  Yet again, another story for another time.

19. I aspired to be an olympic gymnast when I was little.  I was fearless but once my growth spurt came, there was nothing I could do.  I had to stop gymnastics.

20.  I dreamed of becoming a writer.  But then I went into college and picked a more “sensible” major — advertising. 

21.  I had an internship for a small advertising firm and I hated it.  I never went back.

22.  I’m not allowed to divulge who I work for.  What I will tell you is that it’s in the “communications” field.

23.  I’ll be paying back my student loans forever.  And ever.  I put myself through school with absolutely no financial help from anyone.

24.  I thought of applying to graduate school.  Then I woke up and though “wtf was I thinking?”

25.  It took me all the way to 25 to mention my boyfriend.  Correct that…my other HALF.  He’s my best friend.  We’ve been together for a long time.  It’s the real deal.

26.  We’re not engaged but I’m hoping it happens soon.  I have started to dream about it.  Apparently he has too.  He told me he had a dream that he bought me a ring and lost it.  Please God let that not be a sign!

27.  I can’t stand to watch an animal die on TV or in a movie.  But watching a human die?  Not a problem!

28.  I think I’ve finally outgrown my “get wasted and stay up all night” phase.  These days I’m more about good conversation with friends and even better wine in a tall stemmed glass.

29.  I hate talking on the phone.  But texting?  Texting is preferred!

30.  If I could, I would eat chocolate every day of my life.  Chocolate and mexican food.  Alas, my hips and thighs would object horrifically.

31.  I’m really outspoken with perfect strangers.  However, I fear hurting the feelings of those I love the most.  Sometimes I’ll be dying to say something to you but just won’t because I fear the backlash.

32.  I love being busy.  I’ll complain about it and whine a little, but if I’m not scheduled for lots of things, I have trouble sitting still and relaxing.

33.  Sometimes the best medicine is a bubble bath or a long walk with good music.  Good scenery helps too.

34.  I have hundreds of different laughs.  Loud ones, quiet ones, silent ones even.  Laughs that come out of nowhere.  Calculated laughs.  It all just depends on who I’m around and what I’m laughing at.

35.  I cannot tell jokes.  Cannot.  No one ever gets them.  And I suck at the punchline especially.

36.  I do not know how to save money.  I always think of a way to spend it.

37.  I love technology but do not have the patience to learn how to use it.  Cell phones, blackberrys, and iPODs frustrate me.

38.  38 is my scary age.  The one I dread at all costs for fear that I won’t have lived up to my own expectations (and yes, I’ve been saving that one for  num. 38).

39.  I set unbelievable goals for myself.  Most of them I manage to accomplish, through tooth and nail.

40.  I will rationalize anything.  $100 pair of boots when I’m broke?  Dinner out when I have food at home?  A candy bar at work AND chocolate pie for dessert?  There’s a way to rationalize EVERYTHING.

41.  I love freckles.  I sit in the sun if only for the freckles.  (I get freckles even WITH sunscreen!)

42.  No more fake and bake EVER.  Sunless tanning caused a friend of mine to develop melanoma.  Too close to home.  NEVER again.

43.  I’m excited to start blogging.  I just hope I stay mostly anonymous.  I’m not ready to share this with friends or family.  I need a place to vent.  A place to let it all go.  I hope readers will offer me advice so that I know I’m not the only one who experiences things.

 43 things about me.  In the words of Meredith Grey, “That’s 43 things that you know.  That’s a lot.”