The one where I make a promise.
18 06 2008Being engaged has all sorts of perks. For one, the beautiful bling on my finger that I can’t stop staring at. Wait a second, speaking of beautiful bling:
There it is! I managed to get my total P.O.S. camera to take one picture, but you’ll have to excuse the quality. It’s kind of hard to tell what it looks like because it is just SO! DAMN! SPARKLY!, but this will have to do. Also, excuse the veiny-hand. I’m a little veinier than most people 
But where was I? Oh, that’s right, the PERKS.
Aside from the whole beautiful piece of jewelry thing, there’s the whole matter of people asking to see it. Thank God my ring is beautiful because I love showing it off. Also, while I’m just at the tip of the iceberg when it comes to planning an actual wedding, it’s fun to think about. I’ve been checking out websites for locations, dresses, color schemes, etc, and it is just so much fun. It’s also a great way to fend off gross men who are checking me out. I just find a strategic way to subtly “flip my hair”, meanwhile, flashing my ring, and they automatically look away. It’s really quite helpful!
But alas, I am about to make my dear freaders a promise. I promise that Chasing Paradise won’t turn into just another wedding-related blog. So many great bloggers lost sense of anything else to write about and started only writing about engagement parties, wedding dresses, guest lists, etc, and really, I just lost interest. Even now, with me being engaged myself (and therefore, the topics on their blogs being of more interest to me than they were before), I wish they would continue to write about other things. So there you have it. A promise from me that I will attempt to stay down-to-Earth, non-bridezilla style. I’m sure I’ll still blog about certain things to do with the wedding, but here’s to hoping it won’t be to the point that I drive my own readers away.
I contemplated writing about Father’s Day, and how last Friday also marked the anniversary of my mother’s death, but really, I don’t have the mental capacity right now to go there. I spent Friday like I would have spent any other day: working, then running errands. Sunday we spent the day at B’s father’s house with his family. It was a beautiful day to be outside, and we had a great time. Of course I thought about my father, but not to the extent that I normally do. Perhaps, I don’t know, my heart is healing and my recent engagement has served as a stepping stone to a happier place in my life?
Whoa, that’s deep.
That’s not to say I think that now I’m engaged, my life is all roses and chocolates all the time! (Although B did bring home chocolates yesterday. Why? Because I was having a bad day. I tell you, he’s a keeper!) No siree, it’s not that having a fiance’ (God I love saying that word) makes me feel as though I’m complete. No way. I was complete before. I was a whole, 100% complete and vested woman. I’ve always stood on my own, supporting myself, and believing in myself. No, it’s not about that. You know what it is? It’s that feeling that I’m going to marry my best friend that makes me feel as though all is right in the world. That even while he’s incredibly sexy, terrifically funny, and totally charming, he’s also a good person. And he’ll be there for me when I need him the most. Perhaps that part of me that felt as though there was no “man” looking out for her (no dad, no brother) was finally laid to rest.
This blog post is a complete contradiction from what I intended it to be, but that’s okay. Such is life, sometimes.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the future and what it all means for me. And I’ve decided that while I can’t fully decide on what I want to do, and who I want to be, I do know that I desire to be happy.
And that’s enough. At least, for now.
Comments : 8 Comments »
Categories : Uncategorized
